Turning Worry into Trust
2015 hasn’t started out to be a good year with regards to my health. I fell victim to the flu and cold right after the New Year’s celebration and spent almost a week trying to clear my clogged head, and deciding whether I was hot or cold. But by the weekend I was well enough to tackle the trimming of some overgrown flowering hedges. That evening, I realized that chore might have been a mistake. My body was not happy with that pruning job and began what is now my 9th week of sciatica. A Medrol Dose pack, muscle relaxants, and anti-inflammatories have not abated the pain or the need to walk with a limp. I look like a cross between Igor and the Hunch Back of Notre Dame. My hip feels like it’s got a nut and bold tightened too tight for me to do the simplest tasks like getting into the passenger side of a car. And putting on a sock and shoe on my left foot causes me to huff and puff and moan and groan. The neighbors are talking…
The doctor gave me a choice of steroid shots or physical therapy. Like the coward that I am, I chose the PT. While I waited for the PT appointment I began to worry. Would I be able to continue the work God was calling me to do? Would I be able to take care of the house? Take care of my husband? Would I be able to enjoy the trips we had planned to do now that we are retired? Can I handle the pain without affecting my emotional, spiritual, and physical self? Worry, worry, worry… I had my future planned and it didn’t look pretty.
And then I heard God’s word:
… and Jehovah will guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in dry places, and make strong thy bones; and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. Isaiah 58:11American Standard Version (ASV). This scripture made clear three things: 1) God is leading me, step by step. 2) He will bring peace throughout each and every adversity. 3) He will make me strong.
I could use strong bones right now, Lord.
And then I thought of Jesus. For through His sacrifice we know that physical healing is not what it is about (John 3:16). I realized that God will use us in any and all circumstance and even with our limited body movements. Although my physical limitations may grow and interfere with the plans I have made, it is God’s plans that will flourish throughout this adversity.
Sigh. Deep breath. Calm begins to replace the static and panic I feel.
I’m placing my worries where they ought to be – at the feet of God. I have been in this place before and God has always been by my side. As long as I let go of my worry and hold onto God’s presence in my life I can trust that God will carry me through whatever this pain turns out to be.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight. Proverbs 3:5-6