It’s been a few weeks since I posted. I have been a little busy and somewhat distracted.
Ever feel like fire balls are being launched at you? The more time I spend putting them out, the quicker they come. I feel like I have been thrown into my grandson’s electronic games and can’t get out. I’m not much for playing those games. Life is stressful enough; who needs to make believe.
So here is what’s been going on and my take-away on all of it.
I have used a C-pap machine for sleep apnea for approximately 5 years. Last year after the weight loss, the amount of air pressure had to be reduced. Yeah! At the time I was told that if I maintained this healthy weight, I might be able to discontinue it. Well, the year is up and my weights still down, so being proactive, I returned for a follow up sleep study – electrodes, yukky gel, wires and all. Not only did it show that I still needed the machine, but that I had another issue. It seems my heart spent an hour flying on a trapeze. Not in any sort of repetitive pattern but beating “irregularly irregular”. After the hour was up, it settled back down into a nice and healthy rhythm. I knew nothing of it probably because I was battling the tangled wires attached to my body. It did get the technician’s attention and concern and the sleep specialist made it clear that I needed follow up care from my cardiologist. After reviewing the actual physical results of the sleep study, the cardiologist explained that paroxysmal atrial fibrillation (the medical world loves to use big words) could cause blood clots and strokes and that I was probably experiencing them throughout my days as well as my nights. I quickly decided that I must be losing brain cells as well (another fireball), because I am totally unaware of it. Blood thinners would be added to my medicinal food group.
I have to admit, I had a pity party where I invited God to explain to me why I needed another ‘issue”. I told him I already had my fair share. I was dealing with groin pain (ileosoas tendinitis – another fancy term) due to the two hip dislocations and taking anti-inflammatories and undergoing physical therapy two times a week. I was in the process of having 8 dental crowns to replace the 62 years of silver that was leeching into my mouth. With two crowns done and 6 more to go, I was asking myself “Am I having fun yet?” NO! The maintenance on this body is cutting into my play time with the grand kids, and my writing! I was feeling tired and persecuted with fire balls being launched at me every which way.
Over the next few days as I continued to empty my sour filled soul to God, I began to feel lighter in spirit. Blessings replaced bitterness.
Blessing #1 – Each of my issues has a solution. While not without effort or side effects, nonetheless, they are relieving the possibility of permanent disability or sudden death.
Blessing #2 – If I hadn’t done the sleep study, I would not have known I had a-fib and being unaware could have indeed suffered a stroke. Now that’s a problem. This, I can take medicine and it’s handled. Course I do have to watch out for a hit on the head – I could bleed to death, but I’m too busy handling the maintenance on this body to do anything that would cause serious injury.
Blessing #3 – Holter monitors have improved! 8 years ago I sported a Halter monitor with wires, electrode attachments and a little black pouch that I had to wear to sleep, to the bathroom and showering was merely a wet cloth. Today, the Holter monitor is mere 4-5 inch triangular shape bandage with a little box that is no bigger than a dental floss container. It attaches to the chest and records the heart doing meditative yoga on a mat or back flips on a flying trapeze. The advances in medical equipment are remarkable.
Blessing #4 – I’m still learning, laughing and living. I can see the blessings despite the stressings.
Blessing #5 – God is right beside me: listening and helping me dodge each fireball that comes my way.
It always surprises me that despite a strong faith, the human condition questions and forgets to trust God. We still react when the fireballs are launched. We become defensive rather than offensive; reactive rather than proactive. I really wish God hadn’t made us such ‘cracked pots’. But that’s for a whole other blog.
Have you been there? Are you there now? How do you cope? Please share so others might gain from your experience.
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32 (NIV)