Time for a Trade In

Have you ever wished you could take yourself out of your body, throw it away  and go to Macy’s to get yourself a new one, preferably In a size 10?  Look I’ll even take a 12.  Have you ever wanted to just start anew?

“I promise, Lord, I’ll take better care of this one.”

But alas, you are stuck with what you came into this world with and what you did or are doing with it.

I am at that place right now.  This body has more issues that a Soap Opera on afternoon television.  And frankly I don’t know why half of them are occurring so I am just trying to live symbiotically with them.  It’s not working out very well.

I really believe God has me confused with someone who can handle all this.

I started having pain in my right foot alongside my big toe.  It was more like a burning sensation which would be aggravated whenever I tried to walk at a brisk pace for more than a few minutes.  When I stopped, it stopped.  This made exercising less inviting than usual.  I went to the podiatrist, who took and x-ray and found I have two small cysts but would need to confirm his suspicion that I have a tear in my sesamoid bone.  A cat scan confirmed it along with osteoarthritis and I now will be sporting a boot for six weeks and receive laser treatments to speed the healing.  As a side bar, apparently this has terminated many a football career to which I replied that it was good that I have no such career.

The weekend prior to taking our grandkids on vacation for three days I developed an ache on the left side of my mouth.  After talking with my dentist he prescribed an antibiotic to hold me over till I returned. Upon my return I had an x-ray which did not reveal anything.  He suggested finishing up the ten day prescription.  If the pain continued he said we would need to rule out whether or not I am clenching my teeth when I sleep or if the root canal and crown were still intact.  Upon finishing the antibiotic I felt no pain – except for the yeast infection that occurred as a result of the antibiotic.  The pain did return so I paid a $250 visit to the endodontist to find out that my root canal and crown are in fine shape.  Now I am back to the dentist to discuss whether I should have a $1,500 mouth guard made….

Oh, it gets better.

During all this I began having a whole bowel thing going on with gas that traps my bowels or is it the bowels that trap the gas?  Either way it’s the kind of gas that fills you up like the Good Year blimp but doesn’t want to escape.  And I am too old to pass it off as being pregnant.  When I did evacuate I found instant relief but within an hour, Good Year was filling up the Blimp again.  Blaming it on a poor diet (I was eating every carb in site); I was extra careful to eat minimally gaseous foods and cut out as much sugar alcohols as possible.  Do you know how much sugar alcohols are in sugar free foods?  Not only was it difficult to stay within my eating plan guidelines but made for one cranky witch!

But what put me over the top was when my carpel tunnel began to flare up.  It began in the right hand so I did what I always do – put on my wrist splint to help immobilize it and give the hand a rest from movement.  But then the left hand began to hurt.  Luckily I have a splint for the left hand but was surprised that they were acting up simultaneously.  Worse, the pain in my hands had intensified rendering me unable to lift anything or close my hands.  Brushing my teeth, lifting a glass of water and even wiping myself was challenging to say the least.

This made things a bit more difficult but ever the persistent trooper I forged on.

It was when I woke up in the middle of the night for my usual potty break that I lost it.  I found that my neck and head had seized up and with my hands in splints getting out of bed was extremely difficult.

That morning while sitting on “the throne” I looked to the heavens and said “Lord, what is happening to me?  Please, I can’t handle it all!  I’m done in and I am scared.  Please help me because – This.   Just.   Plain.   SUCKS!

As I sat there with tears streaming down my face, bible verses seem to float down from the ceiling entering my heart, mind and soul –

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” – Jeremiah 29:11-13

“He is my strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army” – Habakkuk 3:19 – Amp Version

“The Lord’s favor is for a lifetime.  Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” – Psalm 30:5


I remembered the story of Elijah and reminded myself that God is with us every step of the way – even in the ‘throne room”.

In my most vulnerable of moments God’s words are made known to me in new ways.  I hold on to the promise that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness and I must rely on God daily.

And as if an answer to my prayers I felt my body release all the gas and bowels that had been accumulating.  I swear I could feel my stomach deflate as the chamber pot filled.  It was a movement befitting Mozart.

I came out of the bathroom and my husband looked at me not knowing whether to hug me or escape a possible volcanic eruption.  Instead, while my head and hands were still immobilized by pain I sported a smile and said –

“My foot still hurts, my pain is worse in my hands and I know have a stiff head and neck but there’s one area that’s moving just fine.  God does answer prayers”.

What has been going on in your life that makes you feel like you are at the “end of your rope or want to stop the world and get off”?  Would you like to trade in your body?  What do you do to help you cope with medical mayhem?  Who and what helps you cope?  Please share in the conversation.


Thank you for reading my post.  If you have found it encouraging please consider liking, commenting or sharing it.  Feel free to even re-blog – may these words take flight!

I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts.  To order a copy or learn more go to my website at www.lorettaschoen.com

Blessings for Health & Wellness.



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