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Should you expect to be paid for taking care of your aging or ailing parents? Should you even ask?

If you don’t ask now — and don’t get paid while your parent is alive — can you claim compensation from the estate after they pass away?

These are important questions, but they’re also delicate. Talking about money can be tough in any context, especially when family is involved.

Some people feel strongly that grown children should volunteer to take care of elderly parents out of the goodness of their own hearts — payback for all the years they spent caring for you. Asking for compensation, some say, is greedy or unseemly.

But it isn’t that simple.

Becoming a family caregiver requires a tremendous amount of time, energy, and effort. For many, it becomes a full-time job. Or, more to the point, providing ongoing care makes it impossible for you to maintain a full-time job.

Depending on your circumstances, it might not be feasible for you to go months (or years) without the steady check that full time employment would bring. So asking for compensation isn’t selfish; it’s realistic. It means putting yourself in a position where you’re able to provide the care your heart is asking of you.

Even if you are able to keep a job, caring for a loved one requires a substantial investment of time and diversion of your resources. It isn’t unreasonable to wonder about compensation. After all, any non-relative providing the same services would be paid for them.

There’s a lot to know about receiving compensation as a family caregiver, though.

Whether you’re able to receive payment for your services depends on a few factors, including:

• Where you live
• Whether you have an agreement in place with your family
• Whether your loved one is covered under a government or private benefits program

Here is a general overview of the various paths toward compensation available to family caregivers in the United States.

Benefits Programs That Might Provide Compensation for Family Caregivers

The first step is to find out whether your loved one might be eligible for caregiver benefits under one or more government and/or private programs. These might include:

Long-Term Care Insurance

Families who haven’t talked about long-term care insurance should consider doing so soon. Some plans provide compensation for family caregivers. (Check your policy, as some exclude same-home residents.)

Medicaid

Each state’s Medicaid program allows qualifying individuals to hire a caregiver of his or her choice (pursuant to Medicaid guidelines). But state rules vary as to whether the caregiver can be a relative and/or resident in your home. Some states exclude spouses but allow everyone else. Meanwhile, a handful of other states have set up a special program just for family caregivers called Structured Family Caregiving. Talk to your state’s Medicaid office — or an attorney — to find out which rules apply to your loved one.

Veterans Benefits

There are numerous assistance programs available to veterans who need advanced in-home care. These include:

Aid and Attendance Benefits (A&A) — Available to veterans who receive a VA pension and meet certain other requirements, this program can help to supplement the cost of a family caregiver.

Veteran-Directed Home & Community-Based Services — This supplement to the standard Veterans Health Administration medical benefits program is available in most states (but not all) and provides a flexible monthly budget, which can be used to pay a family caregiver or to cover other expenses.

Program of Comprehensive Assistance for Family Caregivers — Housebound military pension recipients who meet certain criteria qualify for a monthly stipend to pay for an in-house care provider. There is no restriction on who the caregiver can be, meaning the veteran can choose to pay a family member.

9/11 Veterans — Some special programs are in place to help qualifying post-9/11 veterans obtain compensation for one or more family caregivers (and to expedite the application process).

Administration on Aging

Many states maintain a Department, Agency, or Administration on Aging, typically managed at the county level. Some states and counties provide stipends, reimbursement, or other forms of compensation for family caregivers.

Subsidized Guardianships

If you serve as caregiver for a child who has a disability and is related to you, but who is not your biological or adopted child, you may qualify for subsidized guardianship benefits.

Private Charities & Support Groups

Some private organizations offer limited support (financial and otherwise) for seniors, veterans, and/or people living with disabilities who need in-home assistance. In some cases, these organizations may be limited to those suffering from a particular disability or disease.

Find Out if Your Employer Offers Paid Family Leave (and Check the Law in Your State)

While FMLA does not provide a federal guarantee of paid time off for family care, some states have extended FMLA to provide that protection. Additionally, some employers offer limited periods of paid time off to care for close relatives.

Family Care Contracts: What You Need to Know

The easiest way to get paid for your services as a family caregiver is simply to make arrangements for your loved one to pay you. But be careful — an informal approach often leads to problems. There are tax consequences, for one thing. And other relatives may dispute the payment as the result of undue influence or duress, especially after death.

The best approach is to treat the relative-caregiver relationship like an employer-employee relationship. Even if the “employer” is your parent, they are paying you to provide a service, and you should have a written contract to reflect that.

Make sure this Personal Care Agreement (sometimes called a family care contract) spells out the duties you will perform and the compensation you’ll be paid.

This agreement will be important if your loved one applies for Medicaid later (because Medicaid will examine records from the previous five years) or if you run into disputes involving the IRS and/or the estate.

Some families arrange for alternative forms of compensation, such as a larger inheritance or a non-monetary gift. If you go that route, it is critical that you discuss the arrangement with an attorney beforehand because the implications in tax law and/or estate law can be profound. Your lawyer can also help you anticipate allegations of undue influence or other claims that might arise during probate.

Your Options for Claiming Compensation After Your Parent Dies

Unfortunately, if you did not enter into a Personal Care Agreement with your loved one during his or her life, your options for making a claim from the estate after their death are limited. Talk to an attorney, however, about your specific situation before reaching any conclusions regarding your rights under state law.

Always Talk to an Attorney

If you want to apply or arrange to be paid for your services as a family caregiver, you’ll need to fully understand the applicable law and its implications. Personal Care Agreements often represent the best approach, but every situation is unique. An experienced attorney in your state can help you determine which approach is best for you.