Who is This Person?
I have spent 64 years with this person. I thought I knew exactly who she was.
In the recent years I have noticed that who she is not who I am. The things that I loved to do I am no longer good at. Things like cake decorating, crocheting, relaxed me. Now they frustrate me and my work is inconsistent and a disappointment. The Blue’s Clues Children’s cake I made for my oldest grandsons’s 3rd birthday had the mailbox leaning to the left like someone had hit it with a car. And when I lost count of my stitches in making my crotchet blankets, it became a blanket for the dogs. Cooking and creating feasts were fun, now they require grocery lists, To Do Lists, and notes on times to cook and execute which inevitably goes array as soon as the first guest arrives. Organizing groups, running my own company, being in leadership roles gave me a thrill and made me feel accomplished and good about myself. I was the multi tasker extraordinaire! Now, organizing groups, and being in leadership roles absolutely frighten me. Simple things like going up and down an escalator, being in a noisy and packed room creates a cacophony of panic and chaos within me.
And then there are the changes in my body. For instance, I have been applying make-up since I was 16 and yet the make-up no longer goes on the same. The wrinkles cause squiggly lines where they shouldn’t be, the mascara (no matter what the brand) ends up pooling at the corners of my eyes. And don’t get me started on my hair – . The same techniques and products that were fail safe no longer save me looking like a cross between a harlot and an old lady.
What is going on with this person I thought I knew?
I am a foreigner in a new country. This country is aging and I have got to get to know her again. It’s time to go on a discovery mission. I am not depressed about it. Actually, its caused some funny moments. God knows I have come to terms with the natural aging process; it’s just how to live with the new person that has me stymied. As we get older its harder to embrace change because frankly, the mind and the body just ain’t what they used to.
I think it’s God’s way of keeping us on our toes and constantly learning. If that’s so, the one thing I have gained while feeling a loss for other things is a wisdom that has accrued during all the mayhem and havoc of the past. And it has enabled me to pass that wisdom on in ways I could never have done. Because frankly, I was just too young to know and appreciate it.
I know that whatever this new season is, with it comes learning, challenges and opportunities to look for God’s messages on how to shine His light through my life. I can relish the past while I search for a comfortable place to be as I trustingly hobble into the future.
So, I’m puzzled and befuddle and not quite sure how to proceed. Do I fix it? Do I accept it? I’m beginning to think it’s a melding of both repair and acceptance? What do you think?
Please share how you cope with the aging process. Do you have a product(s) that you swear by? Do you do anything to save your sanity? Please share. We are all in this together at one time or another.
Thank you for reading my post. If you have found it encouraging please consider liking, commenting or sharing it. Feel free to comment here or even re-blog – may these words take flight!
I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts. To order a copy or learn more go to my website at www.lorettaschoen.com
Blessings for Health & Wellness.