I Know I’m Old When the Car Knows More Than I Do

Its official, I am old.  When my electronics can do more than I, it’s a for sure.

We recently purchased a new car and it was like learning to drive all over again.  Everything is based on an electronic system – except the driver, of course.  Interfacing hasn’t been easy and while you can teach an old dog new tricks, it takes this dog a whole lot longer.  Truth be known, I was intimidated.  Even how you open the door, start the car, put it in gear is totally different from how I did it for the last 50 years.

Since this car was to replace Thad’s worn and tired Honda Pilot that he has driven since his last years as a Pharmaceutical Rep (it’s been a while); he decided to go for his dream car – a 2020 Lincoln Aviator!  It felt huge and I felt small and not in control.  He lovingly named it “Lady Lincoln”.  She is beautiful: pearl white with camel interior, extended sunroof, back up cameras, 28 speakers (who needs 28 speakers?), heated/cooling/massaging seats; the only thing it doesn’t do is clean itself and make me coffee.

We did have a minor problem as we went to take Lady Lincoln home from the dealership.  Once in the front passenger seat, I could not get the door to open from the inside.  Thad would have to walk around the car and open the door from the outside.  While I like the gallantry of such an effort; Thad’s retirement strolling speed would drive my type A, “got things to get, places to be, people to see” speed over the edge.  Mortified, the dealership rectified it immediately.  It was a faulty electronic piece.

Relieved at it not being anything more, nonetheless I told myself it was Thad’s car and I didn’t need to get comfortable with driving it because I had my “Panda”: a 2007 VW Passat.  It has a white exterior with a black sports package interior.  It is in pristine condition with low mileage because, well, frankly, a little old lady drives it.  Most importantly, it has just enough bling, comfort, and electronics to feel special but still have all the old methods of driving.  Okay, it doesn’t have a backup camera – those are really cool and helpful but driving without one makes me feel young and in control.  And YES! I do have control issues!

During the holiday season I was going back and forth from the garage into the house with holiday décor.  On my first trip into the garage I grabbed the box off the shelf and turned around to find Lady Lincoln lit up like the White House at night.  The headlights, side view mirrors, door handles on all four doors lit and shown down on the ground creating a lighted Lincoln logo on the ground.  The entire interior lit up as if to say “I’m at your service – where would you like to go?”  I stepped into the house and thought “OMGosh, something is wrong with the electronic system in this car!”  And then I thought perhaps in my determination to get the holiday décor out of the garage and into the house I hadn’t noticed the lights on when I went into the garage.  I decided to wait and see if they remained on.  To my relief, after about 30 seconds, all the lights faded and the entire car went dark.  Hmmmm.  I went about emptying the contents of the box and then went to get another out of the garage only to find that Lady Lincoln woke up with the same greeting.

I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck and arms come to full attention and I decided right then and there that Lady Lincoln was a distant relative to Stephen King’s “Christine”.  This time I didn’t wait for her lights to dim.  I scurried into the house and said “Thad, Your Lady Lincoln is possessed!”

I don’t blame him for looking at me like I had lost my marbles in a game with the grandkids.  He calmly asked me to explain.

“I think we got a lemon, Thad.  I went out to get a holiday box and when I turned around to come in, she was lit up like a Christmas tree.  And then she faded to black after 30 seconds or so.  And she keeps doing this.  There is something definitely wrong. A car this expensive shouldn’t have any issues!”

With the calmness that only a man can have with a wife to whom he has been married to for 46 years he asked, “Do you have your phone in your pocket of your jeans?”

I reached for the right backside pocket of my jeans and sure enough there it was.

He smiled that slow, interminably patient, “I feel sorry for you“ smile and said: “I don’t believe Lady Lincoln has any issues, Loretta.  It is simply receiving notices from the Lincoln Phone App that you are near her.  She is simply getting ready to be at your service should you require it”.

That day I learned that she is the other woman in my husband’s life and I am not sure I like her.  She is smarter, prettier, classier and definitely newer than me and while she may not have any issues that I can see yet, I certainly do!


Thank you for reading my post.  If you have found it encouraging please consider liking, commenting or sharing it.  Feel free to even re-blog – may these words take flight!

I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts.  To order a copy or learn more go to my website at www.lorettaschoen.com


Blessings for Health & Wellness.


Comments (1)

  1. […] that Lady Lincoln was indeed the modern version of Stephen King’s Christine!  See my blog post https://www.lorettaschoen.com/2021/outside-the-medical-bag/29526/i-know-im-old-when-my-electronics-a…  for how I came to this conclusion.  Only this time it was no laughing matter.  It took the […]

    November 5, 2021 at 5:25 am

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