Some time ago, I found myself hitting a low spot. I was down, depressed, sad – whatever favorite word you use to describe the feeling of dragging yourself through the dry Sahara desert, cotton mouthed, weighted legs, and empty soul.
Yeah, I was there. I wasn’t sure why I was there. I had a roof over my head, some money in the bank to live on, love and companionship with my husband and my family, and currently no deadly diseases. So why was I feeling sad?
Maybe it was because I was feeling my age – well, actually feeling older than my age. Perhaps the constant battle to eat healthy, exercise, keep up with medical checkups felt overwhelming. Maybe it was the recent medical mystery of my decline in wellbeing which took four months to diagnose that my electrical system in my heart was faltering and needed new wiring.
Truth is, it wasn’t any of these. The 2020 Pandemic has given rise to a lot of self-doubt and loss of confidence in my purpose. In the past two years I have watched my book sales drop along with my enthusiasm for marketing. FYI: I have no talent for marketing and sales and have developed a severe dislike. Marketing and pushing my book doesn’t make me sing even as I know that many of you have enthusiastically responded to how helpful reading my book is and have given many copies as gifts. What does make me sing is writing and helping people survive and even thrive through medical mayhem.
But was writing and selling my book my plan or God’s plan? Was it truly God’s desire or was I simply pursuing a childhood desire to emulate a successful writer and family friend? Was I caught up in the accolades that puffed me up? Was I doing it for God or for my ego? Did I seek His counsel enough before I plunged head first into writing this book? I thought so, but now I was no longer sure.
Did I lose sight of what my purpose was: to help and to comfort those I encounter through faith, education and humor? My biggest joy is working in a one to one relationship with those I encounter – giving me such satisfaction, purpose, and fulfillment and a reaffirmation that we are meant to be relationship with one another and shining the light of Jesus.
Maybe it’s not about how many books I’ve sold or how big my audience is but rather making a difference with those God places within my sphere of influence? Touching the lives of my grandchildren, the teachers and students, the residents in the nursing homes when I visit with Moriah the Comfort Dog, the cashier at the local grocery store or even the doctors and nurses at the plethora of appointments that crowd my calendar are all opportunities to be the Jesus light. Yes, it’s not about the books sold but about the journey and the relationships we make along the way.
And maybe the physical aches, pains and battle scars help to remind me what a good day feels like. Maybe the challenges of marketing help me to visit and revisit my purpose and what God’s purpose for me is to be
Whether or not it was the Holy Spirit who led me to the path I chose; God will use it for His purposes. I can either choose an attitude of frustration, disappointment, and “what ifs” or choose to see this time with gratitude and as a place to grow. And while I wait I cannot lose heart; but instead worship Him, pray without ceasing, and continue to serve those around me as God places those who are experiencing medical mayhem.
When I began this journey over a decade ago my bible verse for this writing season of my life was 2 Corinthians 1:3:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
This verse is still my mission statement today.
As a planner and organizational fiend I thought I knew exactly what I had to do and what was going to happen. But of course the control freak that I am failed to consider and allow God’s plans to unfold. I was trying to direct the future. Have you ever done that? Are you there now? If you are, here are some thoughts…
Perhaps we need to let go of the control. Maybe God is trying to tell us to trust Him with our plans. For once, let Him drive not Him. How would that feel? Scary at first but if you have to admit, also a bit freeing as well.
While we may feel uncertain as to our purpose know that God is certain of what that purpose is and remain open to all that occurs in our life. Like Job and Daniel seek God’s wisdom. Do not spurn God, fault God, but keep a softened heart and dwell on the plethora of good that is in your life.
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58
God has shown me that He is my forever friend and companion. By acknowledging God I anchor my soul to Him. I acknowledge that each event (good or bad) will be redeemed by God for His purpose. He promises us that through our turbulent storms he will make a door of hope. Hosea 2:15….. He never lets go.
And this brings me hope. Staying focused on the Holy Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit as I continue to learn about the earthly trinity: body, mind & spirit will bring me to finding God’s peace as I journey through this life to the promised land of eternity.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
I feel better just sharing this with you. I hope if you share some of these feelings this blog post may help you lay down your plans, give them to God and set you free. I wish you peace.
I’d like to thank you for reading my blogs and for sticking with me even when I don’t feel worthy of being followed. I especially love being in conversation with you in response to my blogs. You make this journey worthwhile.
Hosea 2:15 I….will make the Valley of Anchor a door of hope.
Thank you for reading my post. If you have found it encouraging please consider liking, commenting or sharing it. Feel free to comment here or even re-blog – may these words take flight!
I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts. To order a copy or learn more go to my website at www.lorettaschoen.com
Blessings for Health & Wellness.