Dear Mom,
This mother’s day has me reflecting on the kind of mother I have been and wondering if I was good enough, loving enough, smart enough, patient enough. As I reflect on my life, I find myself reflecting on yours as well. Our lives were woven together the moment you and Dad’s cells and genes were joined and 68 years later they are still impacting my life. Like a patchwork quilt with its millions of stitches, colors and patterns; you shaped my life and continue to do so even as the quilt shows signs of wear. Nevertheless, you are there. You are there in my mannerisms, my pattern of speech, my beliefs, and my strength. Throughout your life you have shown me how to live and carry on despite the events in my life.
And as I age, I am in more wonderment today than I ever was. And I wonder to myself “how did you do it, Mom?”
- How did you raise the three of us with a traveling and sometimes wondering husband?
- How did you singlehandedly clean, paint, maintain the house, mow the lawn, and then fix six course meals for your husbands business associates with fine china and crystal with merely a phone call to announce “I’m bringing home guests for dinner, dear.”?
- How did you move to Brazil with a 10, 5 and a 9 months old who you knew had something wrong with her feet but everyone said you were just being a nervous mom?
- How did you carry this 9 month old (me) in heavy stainless steel braces for three years (this was 1956, folks; stainless steel was heavy).
- How did you move to live in 2 foreign countries with three kids and a dog – all to support your husband’s career choices?
- How did you conceptualize, build and run a successful business in Italy?
- How did you survive the loss of your husband in that foreign country, and return to the United States to continue to raise two of your three children by yourself?
- How did you remain calm, centered, and loving when each of us kids ventured through several disasters only to realize how wise your counsel was?
- How did you maintain your hysterically funny sense of humor while being the finest and refined lady I had ever met?
- How did you manage the plethora of monetary issues on your own balancing your ability to financially live well and without debt?
- How did you survive and even thrive during your ten year battle with cancer without benefit of a spouse to cry or lean on?
- How did you know when it was time to relinquish the war to cancer and calmly prepare us and your estate so as to make it easier for us.
So many questions I wished I had asked. So many conversations left unsaid.
I could go on and on but as I look at your life I realize you have always been steadfast in your love for us (no matter how mischievous and dreadful we were) but more importantly in your love and faith in God. It wasn’t so much as watching you attend church but more as to how you treated those around you. The respect you paid to all you encountered whether they be dignitaries to paupers, influencers to income deprived and homeless on the street, grocery clerks to gardeners; you treated them as equals and made us see Jesus alive and visible through you.
You have been gone from this earth for 31 years and yet you are alive and living in me. Now more than ever I want to be like you. Now more than ever I need you. Still.
As I stare into the mirror, the glass reflects where I came from and who I have become and perhaps even where I am going. As I age, I look more and more like you and my prayer is that I can be a reflection of what I learned from you. Not just how I visibly look but how I act and react so that in me you continue to live. I thank God for choosing you to be my mother and I pray that I can use your examples of faith, kindness, humor, perseverance, courage and strength to help others do the same.
31 years later, I still miss you, but I love you even more than ever. It gives me comfort to believe that someday you and I will be together again and in the arms of Christ and Abba Father. Until then –
Happy Mother’s Day.
Love, your daughter, Loretta
Thank you for reading my post. If you have found it encouraging please consider liking, commenting or sharing it. Feel free to even re-blog – may these words take flight!
I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts. To order a copy or learn more go to my website at www.lorettaschoen.com
Blessings for Health & Wellness.