What to Say to Someone when Life feels Like a Wheelbarrow full of Manure!

When someone is going through medical mayhem they may be so low in spirit and tired in body that they don’t feel that God is with then anymore.  A range of emotions spring forth that feels like a wheelbarrow full of manure.    At the time they may not be receptive to statements like “keep going”, “God is with you, and He doesn’t want to harm you”.   While all those things are true, timing, as they say, is everything.

So what can you do to help someone who is so tired of dealing with medical mayhem that they can’t see any means or the desire to survive it?

Let them know they are not alone.  Keep showing up.  Find a reason to drop in.  Perhaps to drop off a meal, run an errand for them, clean their home, and take them to the doctors.  Offer to take them to bible study, to church services where they can receive spiritual nourishment.  When facing medical mayhem, our world can become nothing more than a series of hospital stays, doctors’ visits, and/or the four walls of our bedroom.

There are times when there aren’t any good words to say but your presence speaks volumes and is a present in its self.  Perhaps you come to simply sit beside them.  Share a place by the window, or better yet on the lanai to watch the birds and squirrels in the backyard.  Show them they are not alone.

Give them a hug or just hold their hand.  Illness will often make people fearful of touching someone that is ill because they worry about hurting them.  If you are worried, ask if it’s okay.  A gentle touch needs no words to communicate caring and loving.

Acknowledge what is happening to them.  “I can’t or I can only imagine how hard this is for you.  I am so sorry you are going through this.” “If you want to tell me more, I am here to listen” or “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself, is there anything on your mind?”   “I can see this is hard for you to open up about. It’s ok to take your time.

If they are crying and you find yourself getting choked up, it’s okay to shed tears alongside them.  Tears detoxes the body, self-soothes, can dull pain, improves mood, rallies support, helps you recover from grief, and restores emotional balance.  You’ll both feel better after a good cry.

If distance prevents you from visiting, sending a card, a text, or a phone call can go a long way to help reduce the feelings of isolation that often accompany medical mayhem.  Can you help by making phone calls, setting up appointments, or even helping them with bill paying?

As someone who has gone through her fair share of medical mayhem I often hold on hard to my faith.  As such, we know that waiting and enduring medical mayhem is often a part of our Christian life.  How we deal with it is what will help us survive and thrive on our journey to eternity with God, our Father.

Do you know someone who is going through the cesspool of life right now?  Or maybe it is you who feels that your wheelbarrow  is overflowing with manure and you see no way to make wild flowers or roses bloom through it.

When we are in the thick of our disease state we often feel and say things we later realize were skewed by pain, anger and fear.  Our emotions are not reliable during this time and we need to avoid making rash decisions, judgements and reactions, but rather ask for God’s help to control our words, emotions and actions.  And by the way, its okay to be angry with God.  Pleading, yelling, and crying out to Him does not make you a bad person.  Rather one that is suffering.  Who better to reach out to?  His shoulders encompass the world.  While we cannot do all things – He certainly can and does.

Certain phrases such as “let go and let God”, “God works in mysterious ways” may be true but they often don’t help when the poop filled wheelbarrow is sitting on your doorstep.  But when we only see the problems and issues – our pain and fears spiral out of control and you find yourself isolating yourself from those that want and can help you through this time.  Focusing on the small positives in your life can breathe moments of peace and calm.

Maya Angelou is quoted as saying that “Every storm runs out of rain”.  My mom used the mantra – “This, too, shall pass.”  Biblically we are assured “The Lord’s favor is for a lifetime.  Weeping may linger for the night but joy comes with the morning” – Psalm 30:5

While we may let our emotions make us feel that God has turned our backs on us, we must sort through those emotions and realize that God is ever faithful, ever present and that this medical mayhem is for but a season.  “He goes before us and He stands behind us” – Psalm 139:5

“He walks beside us” – Isaiah 41:10

“… be strong and courageous.  Never be afraid or discourage because I am your God, the eternal one, and I will remain with you wherever you go “– Joshua 1:9

We must stay steady in doing the things that help us stay connected with God even though we may not “feel” like it.  It is often in the doing (church, devotions, bible study, being in the community of believers) that we can weather the manure in our lives.

Staying connected to people who give you hope, provide a Christian perspective who will share, pray, cry, and laugh, often and always, can go a long way to surviving the mudslides, and the manure that backs up in our bathtub of life on earth.

Medical mayhem can feel like we are being crushed under the weight of the wheelbarrow but God will walk us through the manure to the fields of flowers if we reach out and take His hand.

Won’t you reach out to Him today?  His arms are stretched out to embrace yours.





Thank you for reading my post.  If you have found it encouraging please consider liking, commenting or sharing it.  Feel free to even re-blog – may these words take flight!

I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts.  To order a copy or learn more go to my website at www.lorettaschoen.com

Blessings for Health & Wellness.



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