Balancing Safety with Freedom
There is a balance between being a good caregiver and being a good care-receiver.
As a care-receiver we have a responsibility to do whatever we can to take care of ourselves as much as possible and to do it safely so as not to incur further medical mayhem.
As a caregiver we have the responsibility to let the care-receiver make decisions to the best of their ability for their own welfare and the freedom to choose while still maintaining safety and well-being.
As a caregiver I find this difficult to walk the balance beam of independence verses dependence. You see I am a worrier.
Recently I experience a myriad of emotions (frustration, fear, anger, fear, dread, fear – did I mention fear?) when I reminded my husband not to go out to check his orchid bench or walk the uneven back yard while I was going to my bi-weekly cardiac rehab appointment. Thad is unsteady on his feet and has fallen a number of times, thankfully, without breaking anything. Sitting watching TV for the last two hours, he assured me he wouldn’t do anything that could jeopardize his safety. “I’m just going to take my shower”, he said.
Take a shower!?!?!??! Are you kidding me?
I immediately saw all the possibilities of what could happen with me being 37 minutes away and him taking a shower with no one in the house but a cute-as-a-button but ineffective life saver dachshund.
Maybe I should cancel, I thought. As the anger and fear filled my mind and heart I wanted to tell him how wrong his thinking was on all levels but if I did I would be late for my appointment. An appointment that would help me feel better and be able to better care for him.
Instead I left him there and took my worry, fear, and anger with me. I also called my daughter who kindly and with grace talked me off the ledge. She affirmed my concerned but also stated that she was but two miles away and she would check in on him. She also reminded me of all the safeguards we had put in place to help him be as independent as possible.
But most importantly, she reminded me that I must put my trust and faith in God and that through Him I would find a balance between safety and freedom to a place of peace.
It was this last part that finally had me climbed down off the ledge. You see, I cannot do it all. I cannot fix everything. I cannot be in constant worry and fear because that is not healthy for either of us. But I can fix my eyes on God, the healer, the great physician, the Father of us all.
So I let go of the anxiousness, (the treadmill, recumbent bike, and arm machine at Cardiac Rehab helped) and concentrated on doing what I needed to do so that I could be the best caregiver I can be.
p.s. After I left, Thad got so many phone calls and contractors (who showed up earlier than planned) that he never got to shower while I was away.
I learned another thing. God’s got this better than I do.
Thank you for reading my post. If you have found it encouraging please consider liking, commenting or sharing it. Feel free to even re-blog – may these words take flight!
I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts. To order a copy or learn more go to my website at www.lorettaschoen.com
Blessings for Health & Wellness.