Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned
Its confession time. In my last blog I talked about wanting to give my husband a healthy heart for this Valentine’s Day. I wanted to insure many more days ahead. I would choose foods that nurture and not negate longevity and wellness. While rich, gooey and decadent food has been our norm on Valentine’s day, I would choose wisely. I was steadfast. I was strong. I was super-charged.
Until it was time to celebrate. By the time I got to the restaurant my resolve was reduced to Jello. It had been an action packed week with family visiting for a few days prior, playing catch up from having been away at a retreat, working hard to implement some of what I had learned from the marketing conference I attended in January, having a number of appointments throughout the day, and a runny nose which I was willing to be allergies rather than a cold. It’s a cold.
While I was looking forward to celebrating Valentine’s Day with my husband and good friends at our favorite restaurant, I felt like I could just curl up in my cozy bed and sleep away the night.
A shower, some primping and nice little dress made me look and feel better. Cooper’s Hawk Restaurant boasts good food, good wines, good service, and a casual, warm atmosphere. Laughter, storytelling, sharing memories, creating new ones filled the evening and revived my tired soul.
A glass of wine and a slice of the warm pretzel bread help me forget my Valentines gift and as I foraged through the 10 pages of menu I could feel “Furiosa” (my food addiction) reared its ugly head. I was in trouble.
Being tired, hungry, overworked, underfed makes a bad cocktail. After cogitating over the menu, I ended up with my old standby: chicken piccata with angel hair pasta. And of course the four of us shared appetizers of crab beignets and crispy bacon Brussel sprouts.
In my defense, I did pretty well curbing the inhalation of beignets and Brussel sprouts. I ate all my chicken but only half the pasta. I did grab another serving of bread to mop up all that good lemon sauce. Yeah, that wasn’t so good.
And then there was dessert. Remember I was only going to have a chocolate covered strawberry. But the server pointed out a special desert the chef had prepared: Ramekins of Flourless Chocolate Cake with whipped cream and raspberries. So of course each couple shared one. While they were not big; I could feel the calories and fat coursed through my body as I savored each of the four bites.
I was tired. I was run down. I was hungry going into the evening. All those things left me open for my “Furiosa” to come alive in hopes of making me feel even worse than I already had. It slithers in like a snake and squeezes out any thoughts of restraint or reason. It lies to you and tells you that “this little beignet isn’t so bad.” “You’ve been working so hard, you deserve a little treat.” and “Oh, just go ahead, you only live once”. Furiosa doesn’t remind me that I might be shortening my “only one” life.
When I was surrounded by delectable dishes of delight I didn’t think about the gift of health, I didn’t think of the harm these food can do over time and I didn’t think about the most important strength I did have.
God. I didn’t check in with God. If I had just stopped to think about why I was losing control, I would have realized that I was eating to stuff down the feelings of tiredness and stress. If I had paused to pray, I might have heard God whisper His love and affirmations of strength. Strength needed to grab a hold of His armor, push back from the table and simply enjoy the gift of good friends and a loving husband.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I left you out of my troubles. I am a food addict. Food is often my idol in times of stress. Help me – minute-by-minute, day-by-day to change my desire for unhealthy foods and to acknowledge that You are truly the only food I need for my soul and being. Help me to forgive myself just as you forgive me so that I may renew my journey to healthy living. Today I recommit myself to taking care of the temple (body) you have entrusted to me and to keep you at the forefront of my life. Thank you for always being faithful even as I struggle to be faithful to you. Your mercies are truly new every morning.
Have you ever said one thing and done another? Do you struggle with following through on your promises to yourself and to others? What idols are threatening your life? What one thing do you find helpful when temptation to do ill is strong? Please share so others might benefit from your journey.
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I have additional insights I’d love to share with you found in the pages of my debut book: Surviving Medical Mayhem – Laughing When It Hurts. To order a copy or learn more go to my sebsite at www.SurvivingMedicalMayhem.com.
Blessings of Health & Wellness.